All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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