New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
