Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you would pick up someone in the library
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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