Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
