My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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