I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
