you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
