You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
