meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
