Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
