hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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