Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
