take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize