mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
