weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
