WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
