Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm getting married
To pizza
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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