so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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