just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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