i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
