these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
