3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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