Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
