It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
