I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
