Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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