Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
