Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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