Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I puked a lego.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
