K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
