the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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