You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
