Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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