hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
