we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
