He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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