Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
