go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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Randomize
