Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I look better un-naked...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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