Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He passed out mid-signature
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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