If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
