I want to walk on stilts...naked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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