your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
