Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
