I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
