I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
