You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
