I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
