from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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