i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
