i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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