I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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