she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
