Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
