I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
