I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
