Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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