I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
