everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
