I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
