i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
