Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize