the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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