Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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