This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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