So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
