Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
