There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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