When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.