Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!