I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I supernannyed him into submission