ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.